Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
