Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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