peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
