I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
