Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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