He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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