I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
