literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
