I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
