i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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