never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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