sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
