Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
