I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
