What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
