They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
