first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
