i can't believe i had my finger in that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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