i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize