my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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