the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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