We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
