have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
