You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
