I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
