so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
