Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
