I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
