So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
