it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
