i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
