Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
