Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
