so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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