the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize