I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
