One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
