I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
why do cheetos always look like penises
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
