Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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