last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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