I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
