Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
