doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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