Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize