I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize