I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
