I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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