you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize