i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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