he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
