If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
