fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
