She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
