people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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