Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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