How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
