I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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