my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
