i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm really into asian looking animals
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
