And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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