At least make sure they are 18
Why
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
