Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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