i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
BRING THE BAGELS
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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