you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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