Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
