how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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