This gyro tastes like lonliness
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize