it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
