This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
