so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
