My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
