she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
