i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
