she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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