remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
